It’s been two months since I’ve posted on here. A lot has happened since then, that I haven’t been able to find the right words to share through my tears – until my dear friend Rachel asked me to write a guest post on her blog. So here is my story…
When God began to burden my heart to help care for widows and orphans back in 2010, I had no idea that a few years down the road, I would be looking right in the mirror at a widow, and in the very next room of my home, at fatherless children. Back then, I felt a dramatic urge to jump in to orphan care with both feet, wanting to let Him use me to bring hope to people worlds away from my own. His timing seemed slow to me, but I was convinced that it was right. After becoming involved in various orphan care ministries, my wonderful husband Bryan and I knew it was the right time to begin our own family journey to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia. All of our paperwork was completed and sent over there in July 2012.
Oh, how my heart began to care for our future daughter as the months went by, even though we knew nothing about her, we would probably still have quite a wait ahead of us, and nothing is guaranteed with adoption. Our children began praying for their little sister almost every night. The Lord was blessing us with good health and bringing in all of the necessary funds needed to accept a referral when the time came. All of the pieces seemed to be fitting in place to open our home and our arms to a little girl in need of a family’s love.
And then February 26 of this year hit, when my amazing husband unexpectedly went to be with Jesus, and life, as we knew it, seemed to crumble underneath us. Adoption, along with other things that are close to my heart, now began to seem like dead end dreams. And yet, I’ve had to choose to believe that they cannot be as they currently seem, for I know God never wastes our passion or our pain. So here I sit, humbled and feeling a bit helpless to be among the widows, accepting the help, when I wanted to be the one giving the help to other widows. I head to the mailbox each day and open card after card offering hope to my now fatherless children, reminding us that our Heavenly Father cares more about us than we will ever know this side of Heaven, and that we are never forgotten by Him.
There is so much that hurts, and that I don’t understand about our current situation, and about my Savior. What I do know, though, is that He is caring for us, and He is using others around us to show His love as we begin this difficult trek down a rough road. The kids and I are being held in the palm of His hand as we walk through our days on this earth, and my sweet Bryan is now being physically embraced in His arms as he takes in the amazing wonder of Heaven. Eternity is real, and the hope of it gets me out of bed each morning. Our family, though small amidst a world of needs and pain, has a story that He will continue to write. I have no idea what the future holds and can tend to become fearful and overwhelmed when I look too far ahead. But I know my Savior has got me today, and I have to remind myself, sometimes moment by moment, just to rest in that reassuring and everlasting truth.
“The Lord…upholds the widow and the fatherless…” Psalm 146:9
You can see more current info about our family on Rachel’s blog here. And yes, I plan to be back here blogging more regularly in coming days. This blog will be under construction in coming days too – but it’s not going anywhere! Stay tuned…