I admit it… I want a 12-step process for my life right now. Anyone with me? Some kind of 5-year plan, or even a 2-year one, where I know what step to take and when. I want to know that our needs will be met, my income will come from something I enjoy and thrive on doing, all the current health insurance fiasco will not become a source of stress for us, and that my kids will be able to stay and thrive in their current school environment. And hey, why don’t I just throw in world peace while I’m at it… because I like to dream big and know that everyone is happy. 🙂 🙂
But God hasn’t promised me any of that. And it stresses me out…quite often. He’s got me in this season of not knowing, and the planner in me doesn’t like that. I want my cute and handy daily planner to have my “to do” list for not only today, but next week and into next year. I want to spend my prayer time begging him for more information instead of thanking Him with for what He has given me – the assurance that He WILL provide for my needs.
The other day I went in my boys’ closet in preparation for our upcoming move. There is this big box of shoes that are L’s hand me downs that I’ve kept for N to wear. Some are WAY too big for him, but I know they are going to fit him in time… because I’ve already seen one little boy’s feet get big enough for them, and then even outgrow them. And before I know, I know the younger one will need those same sized shoes and walk similar milestones in those bigger sized feet.
When it all comes down to it, it’s the same way with my journey through life. I haven’t seen the big picture yet – and I really wish I could. But God has. I’m not the first person to journey through, who has the questions I have or experienced the things I’ve experienced. He’s walked this journey through with so many of His children that have come before me, and He sees what I don’t. He knows what’s coming, and He equips me for what’s needed on the journey. And sometimes that comes one step at a time, one “size” at a time as I grow.
And so, I tread on… through all the unknowns that drive type A planners like me crazy. And I try my best to rest, knowing He’s got it under control and all I have to do is to get through today and trust with all of my heart that He truly knows and cares for my tomorrows. I even try to follow the example of my kids – who are quite content to live in this moment and make the most of it. It frustrates me sometimes, like when we are trying to prepare for a big move and they have no desire to help pack but instead keep bringing out the toys that have already been packed up. 😉 But the lesson I learn from them is obvious… they are truly focused on today, and on making it great and full. And my job is to guide them into the next day, when it comes – a loving, more knowing parent directing a weak and needy child.
The earthly picture of what my sovereign Heavenly Father beautifully does for weak needy me.by