If you are one of the few precious people who read this blog, you may have noticed that I’ve been quiet for awhile. Like… pretty much since before Christmas. Way too long. Maybe you’ve heard the crickets chirping here. 🙂 Sure, I’ve done a few product reviews and those are always fun, but I really haven’t taken the time to express my own thoughts in awhile.
To be honest, I haven’t really known what to say. The Lord has had me in this “quiet season” right now. It’s a season of rediscovering what I know to be true about Him and yet discovering things about Him that I’ve never truly known before. It’s a season of reshaping my faith and shutting my mouth so that I can really hear His Word and His voice in new ways. And, it’s a season of stripping… of painful pruning and trust walks, when I can’t see where He’s taking me.
(a precious 5-year old version of Jesus coming back in the clouds)
This week marks two years since my sweet husband went to be with Jesus. Everyone prepared me that the second year post loss would be harder, and boy, were they right. I’ve been faced with some really difficult trials this year, and been up against some obstacles that I’ve never encountered before and could have never guessed were coming. Our circle of support has also grown smaller, but I was prepared for that too, thanks to wise words I’ve read from the lovely Kay Warren. The grief pops up in less expected ways that I’m not as prepared for. Through it all, I’ve had to continually learn more and more to let Jesus be my total sufficiency, and trust Him to provide all that we need in His perfect timing. That timing, of course, is far different from my own.
Yet, He has been so so faithful in gently guiding me on this journey and giving me a strength I could never conjure up on my own to endure whatever each day brings. He has humbled me greatly as I see more and more, that this life has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him. He has challenged my faith through the lives of others who have walked this journey before me. He has brought broken dreams to the spotlight of my prayers and has given me the boldness to bravely approach Him with my shattered heart, entrusting Him again and again with those dreams. And when I do, He beautifully pours in me the hope, though some days bleak, to continue dreaming and trusting.
I want to see Him continue to work, and to accomplish those dreams He’s put in my heart. But for now, I believe it’s about being still and letting Him fight for me as I learn that in quietness and confidence is my strength. (Is. 30:15)
Pastor James MacDonald visited my church recently, and preached from James 1. When he spoke on James 1:3-4:
He explained that steadfastness, patience, or whatever other word your Bible translation gives, is the Greek word “hupomena”… which means “to remain under.” This is the true challenge of trials and hard seasons in our lives. Will we choose to remain under when all we want to do is to get out? To stop fighting it and endure for as long as is needed, learning what our Father wants us to from it? What a lesson learned that will help us through anything we will face in life! When we learn how to “remain under” well, it is a funnel through which all other ministry and life opportunities will grow.
This brought so much clarity to me and encouraged me, as I hope it does for you, that God is using the hard seasons to teach us so much. The process of learning how to remain under will not only help me now, but in whatever seasons that are ahead.
So for now, I choose to remain under even when it’s painful. And remaining under may mean more quiet. More seeking instead of speaking. I may be quiet for awhile longer. The crickets may keep chirping around here, but amidst the silence, a lot more can be learned than it often can in the noise.
I honestly don’t really know what’s ahead. I have big dreams and plans, even for this little blog, but they are all in God’s hands.
And I’m learning that there’s no one better to hold them.by